that was weird. heh. hey, great songwriter,terrible matchmaker. he was way off base. just way off base.total platonic-- i get it.we don't click. [cell phone buzzes] oh. what? oh, let me guess.
it's your ex-girlfriend.she misses you, and she's begging youto take her back. that's a really weird giftyou have. uh, yeah. she saw the show.she liked it. she wants to see me. i'm sorry.where were we? we don't click. i disagree.
we totally click. that showthat we did tonight, we finallydid something real. it's like i saidwhen we met. i-- i couldn't do thiswithout you. yay. eh, your sarcasmcan't save you now. here it comes. it's really happening.
[groans] [clears throat] [music playing] ♪ whoa, oh oh oh, oh oh ♪ ♪ whoa oh ♪ ♪ whoa, oh oh, oh oh ♪ #teamfreddyand #teamdarcyare neck and neck! look! it'sdollar day time! kali, that isso sweet of you,
but no amount of fundsare gonna bring back my legs. oh, drew! give me moneyfor dollar day. okay. what'sdollar day? every yearon the show's finale, we collect moneyfrom the crew. you write your nameon the bill, and we have a drawingat the wrap party. winner gets the jar.
i keep the money. kidding! okay! -that sounds awesome. -mm-hmm. -i'm in.-oh. well, usually theexecutive producer puts in a littlemore, you know, because he's anexecutive producer.
that makes sense.sorry. here we go.[clicks tongue] more? okay. uh... kali, just tellme how much toput in. put in a hundred,you cheap bastard. no!no, no, no, no, no. you don'tget to win. you're the e.p.
[scoffs] [buzzing] hey, bar. it's holli. listen,i need to talk to you. it's supes,supes, supes important. i need to knowwho you voted foron "sing it." the public'svoting now, holli. it's not up to usanymore.
why didn't theytell me that? they did tell us. you were 20 feetaway from troy when he saidthe public'svoting now. that's what he meant. wait. so you'revoting for darcy. oh, dear god. wink once if it's darcy, twice if it's freddy,
three times if it's meand you put my nameon the ballot. there is no ballot. oh, message received. alliance. [kisses] love you. mean it. [camera clicks] you missed--just get that one. oh, thank you.
yeah, that one. it'sthat gray one again. awesome. thank you. get away from mewith that. every year,i don't contribute, and every year,we get renewed. i don't want to jinx it. i know. and every year,i ask you, and every year,you turn me down,
so we're bothdoing our part. high-fiveto another season. oh. oh. [gasps] is thiswhere you disappear to every timei'm talking to you and then i look upand you're suddenly gone? i feel like i'm seeingbehind the curtain. no, i'm hidingfrom drew. is the coast clear?
yes, the coastis definitely clear. stacy!there you are. i thought you saidthe coast was clear. i don't knowwhat that expression means. i thoughtyou were talking about my personal grooming habitsdown there. can we talk moreabout last night? you know what i saywhen there's somethingto talk about? i don't. that's what screaming closetsare for. see ya.
[theme music playing] ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ hey, hey, hey ♪ [cheering] ♪ hey, yeah ♪ come on! yes! let's hear it! whoo-what! come on now! ho ho ho!
yes! yes! yes! yes! welcome tothe season finale of... "sing it"! holli:"sing it"! well, it allcomes down to this, our final two contestants. from nebraska,a man whose big voice and even bigger...
smile has entertainedthe masses. freddy traymont! and the resilient,"ain't nobody gonnakeep me down," darcy docket! well, this has beena strange season, to say the least,but tonight, your votes will crownthe new winner of"sing it," and that new winner is... did i get some of you?
every time. damn, i'm good! ha ha ha! troy: ha! [sighs] but beforewe get to the results, i am excited to presentfreddy and darcy singing one final time, and this time, they are singing together.
that's right, folks,a duet. so give it upfor freddy and darcy. ♪ you're justtoo good to be true ♪ ♪ i can't takemy eyes off you... ♪ oh, come on. youdon't even know whati was gonna say. yes, i do. you weregonna talk about eli and his crazy assumptionabout our chemistry. no. was gonna see ifyou wanted to stick
with freddy winningthe whole enchilada. also, i was goingto talk about eli and hiscrazy assumptionabout our chemistry. said i'm nottalking about that, and i am stickingwith freddy. fine. i'm stillgoing with darcy. ♪ ...off you ♪ ♪ pardon the waythat i stare ♪ ♪ there's nothing elseto compare... ♪
what are we betting? hah! a yogurt-busterpunch card? what?the next one's free. it means a lot.what are you ponying up? my lucky silver dollar. you don't havea lucky silver dollar. no, i don't,but i do have, uh, four regulardollars and...
a crumpled-uppicture of myex-girlfriend. uh, just gonnahold on to that. still somelingering feelings? what? no. what, do i looklike the sensitive, love-struck typeto you? come on. ♪ i love you, baby ♪ ♪ and if it's quiteall right ♪ ♪ i need you, baby ♪
♪ to warm the lonelynights ♪ ♪ trust in me wheni say ♪ ♪ oh, pretty baby ♪ ♪ don't bring me down,i pray ♪ ♪ now that i've foundyou, stay ♪ ♪ and let me loveyou, baby ♪ ♪ let me love you ♪ freddy and darcy,ladies and gentlemen! huge round of applause!
it is now timeto crown the winner. both deserving,both caring... both giving me a deathstare for stalling, so i better get onwith it. and the winner of this season's... ...who will geta multi-record deal and their ownheadlining tour and their own vivo channel
is... envelope. -is... -you think it's me? -no. is... envelope opener. i'll give you a hint. the winner's first nameends in a y.
-oh. ha ha!-ha ha! uh-huh. they both end in a y. damn it. my name ends in an i. stupid illiterate parents. troy,get to it already. of this season's"sing it" is... the one, the only
-no! [cheering continues] i'm so sorry.i-i really am happyfor you, darcy. i am, but... no! [sobbing] well, congratulations,darcy. ha ha ha. boom. knew it. i'll take that.
let me guess.your ex-girlfriend again? are you sureyou're not a witch? she wants to come bythe wrap party. and what do you want? god, i don't know. i mean, the break-upwas so abrupt, it was-- you know what?my personal bullshitis irrelevant. guys, we've gota new winner! yeah!
i-i'm not really goodat giving speeches. [sobbing] i did have a teacher oncethat just said, you know, to pictureeverybody naked, but y'all don't haveto do that for me, do you? okay, okay, um... -this victory... is for anyone who has everbeen hurt or betrayed. you can overcome it.
and thank you to my dear,sweet friend freddy and drew and staceyup in the booth. i promise i'm gonnado y'all real proud. congratulations. well, thank youfor watching, america and foreignersaround the country. until next season--fingers crossed-- remember, don't say it... and we're out.
ha ha! [applause] that is a mother-[bleep]wrap, people! whoo! ah, you pushedthose buttonslike a mofo. [grunts] thanks. troy: congratulations! [cork pops]
[crew cheering] oh, congrats, guys. to the second-and third-best-lookingpeople in the room. ah, cheers. what a night, huh? oh, my goodness. well, this is drewsey, and we still don't knowwho his daddy is, but we've askeda lot of people.
don't look at me.i'm super gay. yeah, i know. you know,in all these seasons, i've neverlearned your name. i still don't care, eh, whatever. what'd i say? guess who. thick stubbyman hands
and the voiceof an angel. [laughs] well, it's gotta be my sophie. hi, babe. how are you? hey. hey, uh, troy, can i get a selfiefor my niece? oh, no.cardboard me can now. okay.
cool. [chuckles] so this isyour crew gift? yeah, i know, right? see, everyone wantsa selfie with me, but who has the time?i don't. so now people canselfie with me anytime. whoa. no! oh, i-i'm leaning.
come on, troy. just stay erect. kali, can you help me? look, i can't get it up. dang it,i can't ever get it up! cheers, man.yeah, seriously. every othercontestant makes me want to justblow my brains out, but i don't mindlistening to you.
oh,what's up, shimon? good to see you,man. good try.see you, guys. thank you. bye. ah, i'm sorry you lost,my friend. can you believe that?i was great. but this isthe beginning of somethingamazing for me. so how's home?
eh, they aren'tsure how they feelabout all this. well, my offerstill stands. comfiest couchin the world. ah, freddy,you're a real mensch. what the hellyou call me? oh, a--a mensch.it's a good thing. oh. oh! mensch. yeah.
you're a mensch.i'm a mensch. we are--we're mensches. well, not everyone here,but... i don't knowwhat i'm gonna do next. my turn. my turn. oh. bye. thank you. hi. how are you? oh, i am fine.
just--whew--a wild ride. oh, i know. you tookthe whole thing. i'm starting to wonderif it was all worth it, losing darrell and all. you handled itwith such class. you're gonna be a star, maybe the mostdeserving one we've had. you knowwhat my favorite partabout the season was? is that forthe first time, i--
i reallygot to know you all. you mean "y'all."[laughs] [laughs]god. maybe drew was exactlywhat the show needed. oh, drew, he sure is interesting,isn't he? yeah, interesting, with a girlfriendthat he can't let go of. well, darrellis available.
[snorts] [laughs]stace. [imitates fanfare] can i have everyone'sattention, please?! shut up, people! [music stops] i have the jar. it is dollar day time! dollar, dollar, dollar day!
all right, who wantsto pick the winner? ooh! any volunteers? me! me, me, me!right here! anyone? pick me! pick me! please! me, kali!come on! any volunteers?! ooh! ooh!
please! i'm really goodat announcing winners. come on. please. okay, fine. troy. come on down, troy. coming on down. whoosh! ha ha ha!hold me, shimon. thank you so much.like, out of allthese people, it's like a-- it's a true honorthat you picked me. fine. go. pick a winner.
yep. yep. and the winner is... we'll announce itright after this break. [crew groaning] i'm kidding. there aren't commercialsin real life. but imagineif there were. troy! yeah. yep. yep.
yeppity-yep-yep-yep. all right,and the winner is... marcy? yes! yes! marcy, are you okay?you don't look too good. yeah, yeah.don't pretend you care,any of you. actually, i havemercury poisoning, so... well,that makes sense. i mean, all youever eat is sushi.
actually, i got itfrom improper disposal of fluorescent lamps,'cause that's a thing, okay? i am taking the fishand the cash, and don't any of youtry to stop me. oh, uh, crystal,listen. i really needto apologizefor what happened. that wasan unfair positionto put--oh! it's the best thingthat ever happened to me. i have an endorsement,
crystal'sbreak-away jeans, sold exclusivelyat tarjã©y. i'm in betweenlindsay lohan and bristol palin'smaternity line. [laughs]that's incredible news. i even havemy own jingle. [vocalizes] ♪ when your pantsare splittin' ♪ ♪ and you'remakin' a scene ♪
♪ get out,and get crystal'sbreak-away jeans ♪ [cell phone buzzing] oh, hold onjust one second,crystal. this is drew. drew, beau hemsworth. oh. uh, hello. i waslooking for youat the party. well, i just thoughtyou'd like to hear that myself andthe entire networkloved the finale.
i look forwardto seeing the ratings. i'm pulling for you,buddy. thank you.that's really greatto hear. um, i couldn'thave done it withoutthe team and... especially stacey. she is the heart andsoul of this show. beau: aww,that's nice to hear. listen, i really thinkyou should promote herto e.p. she and i can runthis show together
as executive producersnext year. what do you think? [dance music playing] [music playing only] thank you, staceycatherine needles... born january 27-- stacey! oh, my gosh!i love you! all right. all right,that's enough, kali.
oh, my god.every time you say my name, it reminds methat you cared enoughto learn it. oh, my god. okay, so... we're allgoing to tierney's to keepthe party going. i know you never leave,but maybe this one time join us? why don't you go ahead,
and, uh... maybe i'llmeet you there. wait. really? hey, you guys! stacey didn'tflat-out say no about hanging outwith us! let's go! come on! come on, everybody! so i keptbringing her coffee,
because i really thoughtthat she was into it, but then it turned out that she wasjust throwing it away, and in the process,killed a ficus. so, uh, i wantedto surprise her and i know that she hasthis kind of bizarreobsession with this stuff, so, uh, here i am. let me guess. you're drew.
how did you know that? there isonly one person who eatsthis much yogurt, and there isonly one person that shetalks about. wait. me? mm-hmm. trust me, man. she is hellacrushing on you,
and youhella owe me $72.50. what the-- are you kidding me?! [sighs] another year down, stacey. psst! psst! who's there? magnus? shh.
yes, it's me. magnus, how longhave you been here? seven weeks. i figured donald trump would neverlook for me here. [thumping] you never saw me. nina. what are you doing here?
i told you i wantedto talk to you. and i told youi didn't thinkit was a good idea. well,sometimes bad ideas are good ideas. so nowthat i'm here... [giggles] [clatter] [clattering] [gasps]
i beenmissing youso much. oh, god,i love kissing every inchof steve's hands. luke. whoops. hey.[laughs] great finale. finale? oh, i'm justgetting started.
hey, boss, hold my calls. well, that was awkward. drew. where's your exthat's apparentlynot your ex anymore? can i talk youin private? that'smy screaming closet. well,sharing is caring. so, what, are wegonna scream or--
wow. i know. i'm a really goodkisser. drew, i'm not doing this.you have a girlfriend. you have a crumpled-uppicture of herin your pocket. no, no, no. stacey, i told ninato go home. in fact, i told her not to comein the first place. you looked cozywhen i saw you.
no. stacey... nina isn't you. she has her entire lifefigured out, and i used to thinkthat i did, too,until i met you. is that supposedto make me feel good? stacey,you make me think outside ofmy narrow, pompousasshole worldview. oh. i'm-- i'm glad youfinally admitted that.
and i admiti have wanted to do thisfor a very long time. should weget out of here? i have waitedway too long for this. i know. since beforeobama took office. [cell phone ringtone plays] it's hemsworth. i'm not gonna get it. no, no. you shouldtotally get it. i think i knowwhat it's about.
okay, but if welose our mojo, that is on you. he--[clears throat]hello. stacey, i thoughtthe finale was great. oh. um, thank you. i-i'll pass that alongto drew. oh, well, i need youto pass something elsealong to drew. what is that? the numbers came in.they were awful,
so you're in chargenext season, stacey, and your firstorder of businessis to fire drew. congrats. crowd: potvin sucks!
No comments:
Post a Comment