hello! hi! hi! good afternoon! hello! good afternoon! good, as we always say,thanks for coming. so, what’s in store today? today, we have blood,sweat and tears. there may be vomit and diarrhoea too,but i can't guarantee that. it's going to be a talk,it's already a talk…
it's going to be a tough one. it’s a talk with a certain continuity. so if you’ve seen my videos, they have a common theme. the idea is to awaken. awaken. but not awakenin a very spiritual sense, of somethingvery difficult to achieve, of somethingwe have to do great things for,
great pilgrimages or whatever. or go without sleep, or sleep lots.no. it’s very simple, much more simple. as simple as reaching consciousness that we are in robot mode. we’re in robot mode, which means that we think, when in fact, our thoughts think us.
and one of the keysto their keeping us asleep and therefore preventing usfrom waking up is the most intimate relationshiparound. and the most intimate relationship around is the one betweenparents and children and step-parents. so, really, this is a talk that has nothing to dowith "me and my parents" or "my parents and i", because it is highly likelythat if you’re not a father
you might be one day. so for the unconscious,for the non-dual, non-linear consciousness, the fact that you are a childmeans nothing. nor does the fact you're a parent. because those of us who are parentshave been children and we're parents too. right? hey you, i don't know how you do it
but you always manage to sitin the first row. this guy stalks me. i see him everywhere. i'll be dreaming about you soon. i see him wherever i go. so, as i was saying. so, yes, the idea of "me and my parents"or "my parents and i", is something we need to debunk.
it needs debunking and fast. because everything we've builtaround the parent-child relationship is a lie. a lie. to give you an exampleof what i’m saying... if you’re a buddhist,you think like a buddhist. if you’re a muslim,you think like a muslim. if you’re a catholic,you think like a catholic. but that only means one thing:you’re asleep.
in other words,your beliefs think for you, they condition your life. and this is the big thing. in other words,my talks have a purpose, which is this: for us to realisethat we are not ourselves; we are our conditioning and we are these programmesthat we have inherited from our culture,
when we were in the womb and we have inherited informationfrom our parents. it is writtenthat the sins of our parents will be inheritedup to the third or fourth generation. now, what does this mean? from a dual perspective: why is it my faultthat my parents were idiots? or that they sinned? from a non-linear, non-dualpoint of view,
information cannot be lost. we always inherit the information. we inherit physical information,to give it a name, or biological... and the information we inherit that makes us live thingsa certain way. on one level, information is notlost, as you’ll see over the course of today. right. this talk lends itself a lotto doing something that is not
the goal, which is to feel guilty and justify oneself. ok? to give you an example, i'm going to begin with a teacher,a secondary school teacher. someone goes to see herbecause she has an autistic son. and the person says to her, she says, "i’ve come to seewhat we can do for my son.â€
and the specialist says to her, “do? do...? i can't do anything, until you realise what programming,what information you are carrying and which your son has inherited. so, this herehas nothing to do with your son. the most important part,where we need to reach consciousness, is you." and her response was,
“oh, so i’m to blame?†right?wrong. nobody's to blame. is that clear? if we have to lay the blame somewhere, we can say it was adam and eveand breathe a sigh of relief. but i don't think it's like that. is it? good, so we're not guilty.
nobody is guilty. and obviously, we need to reach consciousnessabout the fact that, i repeat, my way of thinking is very closely connectedto the information i have received. this is what we’ll talk about today. all clear? very well, you've been warned. let’s see if this changes,
right now i don't knowif it's changing or not. it’s not my controller. there it is: “me and my parents." ok. let's see, where do i point? this thing doesn't change. let's see, now.there you go. i'm going to start with somethingthat anthony de mello said. for those of you who don't know,
he was – i say was becausehe's no longer with us – a jesuit monk, so a catholic, but ratzingerwho went about saying that he had a few screws loose. so, he’s not a priest who... his teachings aren't catholic, they're more teachings for everyone. so he doesn't fit squarelyinto the definition of catholic. that's what i mean.
take note. there’s a study led by ratzinger,who was the pope, which says that the teachingsof anthony de mello are really very important, but they’re not catholic. pardon my french but,"shit, that's what he wanted.†that's what he wanted.he says, “they’re for everyone.†of course. so, he's a jesuit priest
educated in catholicism, but his teachingsare a bit out of place. where... he was born in 1931 in bombayand died in 1987. i think he had a heart attack. so, what this guy says... he's quite avant-gardewhat we call nowadays 'a modern thinker'. he talked about programmingand deprogramming
so, anthony de mello says, “if you don't hateyour mother and your father, you won't be yourselfand you won't be able to follow them.†that's what he says. if you don't hateyour mother and your father. luke says, “if anyone comes to me and does notdetest his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters,
yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.†how are we to interpret this? hate mum and dad?detest them? and anthony de melloteaches us this and tells us, “it refers to the programmingthat we’ve received from our parents that we are unableto break free from. as if the culture of our parentsanswered for us." and this is preciselywhat we came here to do today.
to gain consciousness of this. our parents, obviously,we don't doubt that they loved us. they loved. but what must we understandby "for our parents to love us"? and this is what we're going toreveal in this talk. what does matter is thatwe reach consciousness of this: that hating or detestingour parents, clearly,does not mean our parents themselves but the information that,because of them,
we have received and whichconditions our lives. and he clarifies, “this is not inconsistent withthe fourth commandment, which says, “honour your father and mother.†honouring our parents,in this case, means that if i can deprogramme myself,if i can wake up, i am honouring my parents. everybody with me? "a course in miracles" says,
“it is writtenthat the sins of our parents shall be inheritedto the third or fourth generation.†a very cruel statementat the judgement of the ego. but i tell you this, my son, the holy spiritwill reinterpret this teaching, and say, "you can free your parents up to the third or fourth generation.†this is honouring them.
dishonouring them is: your parents projecttheir limitations on to your life and you live by and feed them, passing them on to your children, who, in turn, live by and feed them. with me? because this is the starting point. it's the starting point.this is the crux of the matter. what it is:
either we see itfrom a dual point of view, or we see itfrom a non-dual point of view, and by dual point of view,we need to understand: i am separate from everything; and by non-dual point of view:i am connected to everything. and we are told thisby the great spiritual teachers. and nowadays,science, with quantum physics, with the quantum consciousness, so, honouring our parents
does not mean obeying them "per se". because our parentscould be making a big mistake. and we have no rightto maintain that mistake. as they say... they say that love is blind. but love is not blind. what is blind is the programmingwe carry with us. what we call "loving". "parents love their childrenunconditionally."
this is a myth. and as such, it needs debunking. this has conditioned our lives so much that we do thingswe don't want to do, live experienceswe don't want to live, and the answer is:"because they’re my parents". the people who say thistend to be ill or have big problemsthat we’ll explain in detail today. so, we need to distance ourselvesfrom these myths once and for all.
clearly, our parentshave shortcomings, of their own, and obviously,like we ourselves have had. but somebodyneeds to take action in the matter, and this is preciselywhat we are doing: reaching consciousnessof something we must do. from a dual point of view,i can't do anything. from the point of viewof quantum consciousness, if i change, the information changes.
at least the information is there. and changing the information puts it intothe collective unconscious, the family unconscious,and someone will use it. ok?ok. clearly, there are peoplewho don't know how to love, who do not love themselves, and do not forma healthy bond with their children. let's talk about toxic parents.
we are all toxic. some, a little toxic. others, a lot. but we're all toxic. we are toxic. and we do this... i've only put a few ways up there,i could have put a huge list up, but a few words sufficefor the good listener. toxic parents have the powerto undermine your self-esteem,
destroy your confidence, generate links of dependency, suffocate you with their love,insult you, and even hit youand belittle you. and we could go on. and who has never done that? above all,i’m referring to parents. but what about the children...? who hasn't felt that mum and dadsaid something to you,
something like, "well, if you come, then..."? who hasn’t felt guilty? who hasn't felt the obligation? who’d tell their mother to go to hell?how could i send her to hell! she's as irritating as hell. she's always calling "yes yes, no no",she calls non-stop! every day: “i’m fine, mum†“i’m fine, mumâ€
"what can i do? she's my mother." well, i’d reflect on the self. normally,the victim is the real victimiser. it's the other way round. if i slap you around: “if i slap you,you’ll know what's what." if i slap her and she doesn't go,i'm going to give her another. and if she stays, i’ll do it again,because i think she likes it. right, let's carry on.
so, toxic parentsexpress themselves in two ways: with an excess of the negativeand with an excess of the positive. with an excess of the negative: these are the ones who criticise you,who question you, who tell youwhat you should and should not do. sound familiar? they don't support you unless you dowhat they think you should. and they areemotionally absent parents. they are there,but they're not there.
they’re not there when you need them. because they alwayshave more important things to do. then there’s the excess positive: they pine for their childrenand don't let them breathe. they are always on at them. their children want independence butthey make them depend on their love. they treat their adult childrenas if they were kids. some more so than others. all this is just the introduction.
right now i'm just introducing. i’ll go in for the kill later. we’re not going to leave it at this. it's just a warm-up for the neurons. get ready for what's about to come,in a little while! let's move on. what are the consequencesof this excess positiveness or excess negativeness? let's take a look.
emotional dependence. immature adults. fear of disapprovalfrom their parents. they live with guilt. they have a love-hate relationshipwith their parents. another one. fear of commitment. fear of suffering. fear of loneliness.
fear of abandonment. people who, after seeingwhat they’ve seen in their homes, don't want to repeat the patterns so they don't commit. “i don't want to suffer.â€sound familiar? "i don't want..." and other people put up with all sortsof relationships out of fear of loneliness. this expressionis the most pathetic of all.
because, of course,one can never truly be alone. when someone is afraid of being alone, it’s clear that he is not himself. it's very clear, becauseif he really listened to himself he’d realise that he doesn’t dowhat he really want to. but all this, all this,doesn't come from us. but the factthat it’s not from us doesn’t mean that we are not responsible.
it doesn't come from us. we were brought up like this. we've been conditioned. but that doesn’t mean:“well, what can i do?†"it’s nothing to do with me." we have a responsibilityto transcend this information. addictive relationships. staying in toxic relationshipsthat lead to violence as a consequenceof one’s own insecurities.
i’m getting ahead of myself a bit now. i'm going to jump forward a bitbecause i want to. look. i have to leap forward. there’s something important. if the world were... i really don't know... i don't get why the world gets upin arms about what i’m going to say, when it’s been provenagain and again.
if our parents were conscious,if they had been awakened as to the importance of relations, in other words,the ambience in the family nest, of its vital importance for the psychoemotional developmentof our children, for their development as adultstomorrow, so they don't turn intodrug addicts or alcoholics, or for themto be non-violent people, or non-submissive people,
if parents... at the end, i’m going to repeat a few words from a juvenile judge who says, "sometimes i want to lockthe parents up." and i think:"how right you are, my man." and other times he saysto the delinquent children: “get out of here,get your parents in, i'm going to give thema piece of my mind."
look, i’m not going to accept– and it's not acceptable – because it’s unthinkable,unsatisfactory and intolerable – to say"oh, my kids turned out bad". not acceptable. this is the greatest violencethat we can commit towards humankind. to say, "how is it my faultthat god sent me these children." and what about you? do you think that you'rea pure and immaculate filter?
that your children came here and were unsoiledby the shit you carry with you from these toxic programmes you’ve been feeding yourselfall your life? from these dependent,addictive relationships with your father, your mother,and your partner? why do you thinkthese children are here? perhaps you think your children... as mothers say now,
"we wanted you very much." "but if you wanted me?""well..." as my mother would say,"god sends us children." wow! of course, since childrencome from god... it was nothing to do with me. me? god sends the kids. but you play a part, don't you? it’s like saying,"dear lord, let me win the lottery."
i think that was a catalan. i say that because it’s a stereotype. no mind; i’m catalan anywayso i just laugh at myself. the guy prays for a month or two, "lord, what about the lottery?" i have great faith in you." and in the end god says to him, "look, are you going to buy a ticket? just buy the damn ticket, would you?"
well this is the same thing. god sent them to me. this is only the preamble of a talk i’m going to do in mexico. it’s going to be revolutionary. it's called: "the power of mothers." i'm only doing a preamble. "the power of mothers." i’m getting ahead a bit,
if this world has to change,we need to start with mothers. why? because we all come outof the same hole. yes. and we spend nine monthsinside this woman. and what do you think? if my mother’s happy,won’t my son be happy? and if my mother suffers,won't my child suffer? and if my child is unwantedand i want to have an abortion,
is absolutely nothinggoing to happen to this baby? are we really so naive? you're with me, right? being a motheris the biggest thing there is. but it’s not a myth, mothers are human beingswho demand respect, as we all do. but they need to reachconsciousness, because, when it comes down to it,
even the egg, as science shows, even the egg chooses the spermthat does the fertilising. don't you think... it’s very chauvinistic to thinkthat the sperm arrive like this... head-butting their way in. it’s as if you were tryingto knock this wall down. it’s a resonance. the egg chooses the sperm. and it chooses it by resonance.
and what resonancedo you think this is? the emotional status of the mothers,of course it’s as simple as that. can you imagine living with a manyou don't love? or being in love with someone andbeing forced to marry someone else? don't you think our childrenare going to receive this information? if you only knewhow many cases we see of people who do not understandwhy their life is the way it is and when we make themreach consciousness of this,
at least they achieve peace! attachment is the big disease. and suffering is the result. well, buddha said that. attachment, the attachmentwe have to not being alone, for the one we love not to love us. so, when we fall in love... let’s translate the word accurately,to fall in love means:
“i want to possess you. i want you to be mine. i want you to be mine.†that’s falling in love. and so, because i'm afraid, "that slag of a neighbour betternot try and take him away from me", then i get jealous. and that's possessiveness. it’s a lack of self-love.
and where did this come from? suffering is a choice, it is the beliefthat i may be missing something. and this is where it all begins. two people very much in love, that’s very easy to say, very easy. what are the fears of these people? how do they live this love?
do i spend all day calling,asking you where you are and what you’re doing? what do you thinkwill happen to the children? they're going to be all“fraternitã© and libertã©â€? maybe. or maybe not. are you reaching consciousness? mothers who already are mothers and those who are going to be mothers,reach consciousness.
let's carry on. a reflection on the last statement: when we cry for a lossof whatever nature, why do we cry? for the other? you cry for yourself; it’s attachment. look, pain hurts. suffering is a choice.
and sufferingis directly related to attachment. there is no freer love than to live with someonein the present moment, every present moment,knowing that this could end tomorrow or in thirty years. in fact, when my wife and i met, – both coming from relationshipsthat had ended – we looked at each other andwithout knowing this
– because this was 30 years ago – we said, "hey, you've been hurt and so have i. so what say we stop promising eternal love,which is a load of old nonsense. because the only thing i know isthat right now i feel good with you.†but my wife will tell youthat i said to her, "for the record,i'm not in love with you.†"you're so unromantic.""well, i’m not.
i can assure youthat i feel that i'm with you, that i like you being with me, but i don't want to possess you." and i said, outside, on a starry night, i said, "do you see that star?" and she says, "yes." and i say,
"i'm going to that star. with or without you. you decide." that's love. to love is not to want to possess. love is not about projecting anythingon to the other person. love is sharing the present moment. and life gave us a son. we made him at christmas.
not because it was christmas, but because we made him at christmas,that's all. why am i telling you this? because, in reality,true love doesn't tie anybody down. when i listen to friends or colleagues or students who tell me that they had to asktheir husbands for permission to come i’m like “what?†how old are you?
are you underage? because if you are underageyou look pretty old. life has treated you badly. so when they say this to mei’m shocked. but they seem very uneasy. i say, "no, they’ve screwed your life up,darling. making you believe..." i’m just giving you an insightinto the talk i’m giving in mexico.
i'm going to go straight to the point. we live in a disgustingly chauvinistic– forgive my use of the word – world. it’s incredible.there's no escape from chauvinism. i realised how chauvinistici was by observing myself: "my god! how chauvinistic we are! they've drummed it right into us! well, then things happen as we know. is all this clear, family? let's get on then.
here we go. how do we live this absencefrom victimhood? "i suffer when you're not with me." "you don't do what i want." "i have to do it, they’re my parents." let's say that a woman – i say a woman because i’ve seenplenty of examples of this – finds out that her husband ischeating and she starts to cry. and i say, “why are you crying?â€
“well, my husband, he's cheated on mewith someone else." i say,"you should be happy." "you always see everythingin such a positive light." "well, you can look at itfrom a victim stance, as in 'oh, poor me',– and i advise you not to – because, my dear, it's fantastic, you've found outthat this guy isn't faithful to you. so let him go.†"it's just that i feel so lonely."i say, "no.
as the saying goes,better off alone than in bad company. so, cheer up!because you’ll meet someone else. but i’ll tell you one thing: when you let this one go, the next onethat comes along will be the same. don't think they'll be different." are you following? and from freedom, as i explained, real love is not attachment. so you're with someone,you share that life with someone.
i once had a lady who said to me, "i want to get divorcedfrom my husband." and i said, "so get a divorce." and she said,"but he's done nothing wrong." and i say to her, “say that again?†"well, my husband takes care of me,pampers me, takes me out, here and there, but i don't love him.â€
"so stop hurting him then", i said. “don't waste his time. he’ll find someone else andhe’ll make her very happy." but she was very concerned. "i want to get divorcedbut he's done nothing wrong." “he doesn't have to do anything.†see how we talk to each other. if he cheats, i get mad. if he doesn't cheat,but i don't love him,
i don't know what to do. well out of love and respect,you say to him, "look, thanks for everythingyou’ve given me, but find yourself another womanwho’ll make you happier, because i can't.†“what could happen?â€â€œnothing. what's going to happen?†goodbye. that’s exactly how it is. great, let's carry on.
let's see some examplesand dig a little deeper. i’ll start with jorge bergoglio, pope francis. have you seen his biographyon canal+? obviously, he says it's a biography. i think his motherwanted him to be a doctor, so jorge goes to his motherand he says, "mum, i’m going to be a priest." you can imagine what she said.
his mother started breathing fire. jorge loves and respects his mother and honours his mother.right? but to honour one's mother does not mean doingwhat she forces you to do. that’s why i start with the pope. everybody following? he says to her,"well, i am going to be a priest." and his mother went a long timewithout speaking to him.
and for i don't remember how long,i think maybe about a year, she didn’t see him at all. and he wasn't about to goand see her because he knew she didn't wantto see him dressed as a priest. some time went by until one day,as the story goes, he was giving communionand his mother was there. that's love,love is accepting the other person's freedom. not to condition them to dowhat we want them to.
you see, one of the big problemsthat we screw up our kids up with is our crap,the crap that we project. i want my son to be what i couldn't. well, that's all very well,but don't screw him up. you have to be a doctor. or you have to study music. or you have to do whatever. and then we have peoplewho i've seen that have studied these things
and then given it upbecause it wasn't what they wanted. i think... i have a sister-in-law whose mother,so, my mother-in-law, insisted that she be a pharmacist,so she studied pharmacy, and when she finished,she dropped it. she finished pharmacyand studied to be a librarian. and my question is:all that time? did she do itwith every good intention? i’d swear it.
but it's written: "the road to hell is pavedwith good intentions.†and it leads to hell! instead of being with our children,observing their best qualities and encouraging them,whatever they are... "dad, i want to be artist.†"you won't earn a living from that." and we lose a great artist. "dad, i want to travel the world."
"but you can't do anything." i had to say this to a friend. he has a son who,through the family tree, is related to luis candelas. isn't he from round here? no, no, the character. but...we found out. luis candelas, who had a lover.well, one here and another there. anyway,the son bears all the information.
and the guy's free, like the wind. and his dad's like... got it? but, well, we’re friendsand he was like... "but your son's a gem." "he hasn't studied anything." "so what?don’t worry." well, he's taught them a lesson. he went to the northern countries.
it goes without saying thathe couldn't speak any languages, and he didn’t need to. he had a universal language,his friendliness, he radiates love, and sign language. but now the guy speaks english and a bit of the local language. and he said to his parents, “come and see me.â€
listen to what i’m saying. because his parents had alreadylistened to me, and i'd said, “don't even call your son. he’ll call you. he knows you're here, right? so he’ll call." "ok, we’ll wait for our invite.†he worked as a cook. "you'll invite us.â€
"yeah right, do you thinki've come here to earn 1,500 euros to take you out to dinnerwhich is expensive here?" well, he organised a party for them. but his parents were so proud. this is what i want to say,his parents were so proud because they saw that their childwas free like the wind. and they would have castrated him. do you understand? good.
a young manwants to be a psychologist and his mother tells himthat he has to be a doctor. he goes to enrol to be a doctor but when he's about to enrolto be a doctor, he says, “what the hell! i’m going to enrol in psychology." and his mother didn't speak to himfor six months. but one day, she saw how happyhe was studying psychology and, well, it melted her heart.
“i feel obligedto go to my mother's to celebrate her birthday." "i feel obliged." i say, "did your mother put a gunto your head?†“she makes me feel guilty.†“your mother makes you feel guilty?†“isn't it you who feels guilty and plays the blame game?†i’ll show you.
"what don't you likeabout your mother?†because what you don't likeabout your mother is in you. remember, we're not separate." “i have to call my motherevery evening. if i don’t, she gets mad.†and, of course, this gentleman'swife is delighted about it, you can't imagine how much. man with a phobiaabout leaving the house. his mother,never let him out when he was little.
never, she loved him so, so much, that she was afraid he'd fallover on the street and hurt himself. he's 50 years oldand still sleeps with his mother. a mother who, when she has a problemwith her partner, the first thing she doesis call her daughter. and then the daughterprojects this story, on to whom? her partner. that’s typical. sometimes, women tell me,
"i don't know if i married myhusband or my mother-in-law.†and the other way around. "well, it’s a package." a young man wants to leave home. he has to give the moneyhe earns to his parents. and he says,"but i want to leave home..." i’m the first to saythat if you’re in somebody's house – it's also in the criminal code, article 155, i know this because
the judge said so – when one is within the family nest, children have their duties. and as the judge says, "previously, children only had duties and few rights. and now, children have all the rights, but no idea of the duties they have." so we have created little monsters.
a son who resides in the family nesthas the duty to collaborate with the family,but this is not the case here. this guy wanted to leavebut his mother didn't want him to. she had him trapped. and she did a million thingsto make him feel guilty. until, in the end, he said to her, "mum, i’m saving to move out. if ever you have a problem, you can use the money i've saved,naturally."
"i’ll give it to you. if you have a problem,i’ll give you the money." he reached consciousness thathis parents were forced to hand over the money they earneduntil the day they got married. so, we can see that this child honoured his parents becausehe did not follow their programming. this is what i explained at thestart, everybody clear? he honoured his parentsbecause he did not do the same. but he also said,
"mum, dad… if ever you havea problem and need my help, i’ll give you the money, of course, but i want to be independent." and he was of the age to do so,clearly. let's get an understanding of this. to understand it, as i said earlier, we always need to ask a question, to ourselves as parents, and to our mothers as their children.
and the question is: what was the emotional statusof my parents when was i conceived? "what is the emotional status? this is why no two children are alike. because the momentwe are conceived is key. i call this the “da vinci codeâ€, after the film of the same name. because the da vinci coderelates to the sacred chalice.
and my question is: what more sacred chalice can exist than that which createsthe miracle of life? well this one.not mine. the one that women have. the uterus. and the cervix is a chalice,the sacred chalice. that's where all the alchemyhappens. take note, as what i’m about to sayis very important:
just think how important our emotional state iswhen we create our children that it can transcend all information, no matter how toxic,from our ancestors. two parents who are absolute idiots, but when they make love and conceive a child, they love andrespect each other deeply. and they have this childand people will say, "how could these parentshave made a child like this?â€
you know what i mean.right? well this is what i’m talking about.this got me thinking a lot. you know i’m very observant. and i was thinking,it could be the other way. how could these parentshave such a stupid child? where’s the answer? in the da vinci code. "with what emotional statewas i created?", if you ask your mothers,i’ll tell you now,
they’re all liars. mothers, not women. they all have to cover up;we’re educated to do this. to cover up. or they give the answers: "what did you want me to do,sweetie?" so you were conceivedwith pain, suffering, and heartbreak. you can have the most extraordinarygenetics from your parents,
but the key lies here. in that moment,let’s call it "magical", in the miracle of life, there. as nessa carey would say, "an egg without sperm is nothingand together they create a being." as we’re used to this,it may seem like “wham, bam!â€. but it is actually highly conditionedby these emotional states. that’s one aspect. and the other is:
what is your parents’ relationshipwith their parents? your parents with theirs. because let’s not forgetthe third or fourth generations. so, how did your motherget on with hers? how did your mother get onwith her parents? because this is inherited. and it's amazing just how much. in other words, i've told this example before
but it doesn't make itany less important. so this woman gets pregnantbefore she's married. this has some negative connotationsin the unconscious, agreed? but the unconscious knows nothingabout illegitimate children. this is a scourge. it’s a belief. it sucks. in nature,there are no illegitimate children.
you’re a child or you aren't,end of story. so, they get married. she doubts that this man is the father of her child. this is how the boy was conceived. he was conceived like this. so, they get married and go on their honeymoonto tenerife. it didn't matter, they could have goneto pernambuco, but it was tenerife.
and when they’re in tenerife,she continues to insist that she doesn’t believe that this mancan be the father of this baby. it just doesn't sit right with her. so what happens? the sacred chalice starts to spit. and she has an attempted miscarriage. off to the hospital. when they get there the doctor says, "she’s having a miscarriage.the foetus is being rejected."
and then she sees her husband crying. he's crying. crying his heart out. with such sufferingabout the loss of his son that it touches his wife's heart. and when he was about to go in, she felt it, she didn't think. still with me? she felt that, wow,it was like a shock,
an emotional shockat her husband crying his heart out because he was going to lose his son. and that shocked her so much that when she was about to go into surgeryfor curettage, a doctor appeared. and she says, "he appeared like an angel." and he said, "what’s going on here?" and she said,
“well, this happened... "“let's see.†and he said,"there’s still a beat here." and the other doctor says,"but... the heart wasn't beating." “listen.†and it was beating. and a child was born. and when he was little,this boy said to his mother one day, "mum, when i grow upi want to go to tenerife.†and his mother said,
"why do you want to go to tenerife?" imagine, a little tadpole this big. "i don't know,but i have to go to tenerife." for this boy, tenerife is life. see how this works. now imagine that a woman gets pregnantand says, "oh shit, not now" and thinks about getting an abortion. i’m making you think, aren't i?
well, do. think, think. let's go into detail. if the father’s absentand the mother's very present this will probably happen. i speak from experience.we've confirmed it. a daughter will seekthe path of her mother and this can lead toemotional dependence, a love-hate relationship,yes, no... yes, no... and, among other things,i know this from experience,
from my sisters, anorexias and bulimiascan also appear. all these peoplestudying these diseases should ask themselves this. but science even says it. they should ask themselves this. another one: a child can gettoo obsessed with his mother, to the point that the motheroverprotects the child and projects on to himthe male who is not present.
yes? example: only child, absent fatherand very overprotective mother. he does nothing withouthis mother's consent. oh, this guy is forty-odd by the way. he gets divorced. and spends two years alternating between one weekendat his mum's and one with his girlfriend.
not two weeks. not two months. two years. i want to point out one thing: this man carries information,he carries a resonance, and he meets a woman who carries the same informationand resonance. otherwise, what woman would say, “oh, you're going to seeyour mother this weekend?",
for two years? one day he says, "mum..." oh, i should say that the father wasnever mentioned at the visits, he was so absent he didn't geta mention, so he's not there. i say,"could he be dead? he says,"i don't know, but he's not there." he's never there. one day, the son asks his mother,
“can i bring...?†on the weekend,he goes to his mother's. "can i bring my partner?" to which she replies, "don’t bring your floozyround here." now, let’s see, obeying one's motherisn’t the same as honouring her. is this clear? it’s not honouring her.
if he honoured himself and his mother,he'd say, "mum, do you know what? i love youto the stars and back, but you stay where you areand i’ll go with my woman." "it’s your problem. and what's more,don't call the woman i love a floozy." what mother respects her son and calls the woman he lovesa “floozy� let's see, where is that written?
and the guy has been turned intoan idiot, a robot, so spellbound, so neutered, that he has continued like this, and he visited the surgerybecause he had this eczema. "when do you get the eczema?""when i go to see my mother." "of course." what am i saying?that he shouldn't see his mother. no. i'm saying that he should respecthimself, do you see?
is all this clear? it's an example of a visit. at the clinic: "oh, that son of mine." "what have you got?""i've got my son and my daughter." “what's that? what did you say?†“you have children?†"i have my son... and my daughter."
no, it's not a joke. that’s exactly how she said it. i’m one of those who writeseverything down so there it is. this is the typical motherwith an absent husband. when we talk about absent husbands,i want to be specific. an absent husband,for the unconscious, is: a husband who may be at home,but it's as though he isn't, a husband who may be dead, a husband who may be with prostitutes,a husband who may be out drinking,
or a husband who is in jailor simply dead. the unconscious does not judge. is that clear?he's not there. good, good! it’s very typical. so, biologically,the woman uses her son as a lifeline. and that's a grave mistake. she puts her son before her daughter,do you follow? and this is the start of the wheelof chauvinism.
women, in turn,are educated as being inferior to men. and this belief,which many think we have left behind, is clearly still with us. and there we have the seedof violence. because boys are conditionedfrom a very early age to see themselves as differentto women. we are different. now, i’m not talking aboutthis difference, but about the factthat they think they are better.
details like,when it comes to clearing the table, "let your sister do it." "and from a tender age, girls unconsciously learnthat they are inferior to men. and when they become mothers, what do they do?the same thing. and this is where the seedof addiction comes from. i have seen hundredsand hundreds of cases. overprotective mothers.
a man or womanwith alcohol or drug problems: overprotective mother,really overprotective. if i’ve seen a thousand, a thousand. no exceptions. if the father’s absentand the mother is too, as some are, in this case there is usuallyan emotional absence, i.e. there is no emotionalsustenance. so what can happen? the daughter will act as a fatherand she will look for a father;
she will act as a motherand look for a father. for example, women who marry menolder than they are. twenty years and upwards. we have a case of 40or nearly 40 years. the experience of the mother, the mother's suffering, the emotional state of the mother, will condition her children's behaviour a great deal.
a son will look for a mother in women. and he won't have a lot of sexualintercourse with his partners, because the son, the man, sees the mother, not his partner. we are so spellbound, so hypnotised, we are so conditionedby this information, that we have behaviourswe don't quite understand. when in fact,they are very easy to understand if we actually see these things.
when we understand the information shown to us by behavioural epigenetics which says such simple things as if your grandmother diedfrom a medication error, the granddaughter can be allergicto that medication. can you imagine? the daughter also ends up actinglike the mother of her mother. typical. that daughter held captiveby her mother;
in this case,there is not usually a male. in this case, there is no man. i've seen this so many timeswhen there’s no man, ok? when there’s a man,it's the previous case. but when there’s no man,that is, there’s a female, she ends up like...what’s she called... like cinderella,taking care of the stepmother. “and you have to do this.†i've got one of these cases here.
what's more, life, which is so dear,always gives us a chance. this woman i'm talking about, reminds me of a case i was told about; it wasn't one of mine. so, all her life,until her parents die. so, they’re people... for me, this topic is very dramatic,because they’re people who are robbed of their lives: parents rob their daughters lives.
literally, they rob them. they don't even have a partner. they've never known a man. nothing, nothing at all. a sterile, sterile, sterile life. living for their parentsand most of all, for the mother. but this,i’ll tell you this as an anecdote: there was a guy who had a shop andthe girl goes in and he falls in love,
and he's there insisting. men used to have to ask for their handand all that, and in the end the father says, “i don't want you to marry this guybecause he’s from madrid.†now, being from madridis like anything else. i mean... any excuse was good enough. he was from madrid. i’m only telling you this because...
but we have cases like this today. of children who have hadtheir lives taken from them i've already told youthe 50-year-old guy. it's terrible. overbearing mothers forbid their children to have any physicalor emotional independence. they use their children as a lifeboat. it's a selfish love sugar-coatedas unconditional love. “i love you so muchâ€.
one of the biggest violences there are is that of going too farloving your children. they threaten their husbands if theyallow their children more freedom. the husband is left outof their children's education. this is where–and i’m getting ahead of myself now – children become violenttowards their parents it's called the “emperor syndrome". and all this is what jung – you know i’m a jung freak –said.
mother complex. in the son. the cybele attis complex. you have it here... do you know whatthe cybele attis complex is? aren't you locals? because you've got cybele here. don't tell me you've got a statueand no idea what she's doing there! "it’s just always been there!"
it’s not for real madridto climb up and celebrate. no, no, that came afterwards. that was later. ok? good. to summarise, cybele,the goddess cybele, had a son, attis. and she loved attis,her son, greatly. and when he became a man, she had incestuous relations with him. she possessed him so muchthat he became her lover.
but attis liked going outinto the field a lot. and in the field,he found a shepherdess. and he fell for her,and wham, bam! and cybele, of course, knows everything... so she scolds her son and the guy,to avoid ever being disloyal to his mother again, cuts off his testicles. this is the abbreviated version.
this is the cybele syndrome. so, we have childrenwho can be homosexual, lady’s men or impotent. that's not something we've said, you can read it in jung'sbook on their archetypes. it’s in there. interestingly, though,our experience mirrors it; it confirms this. then there's the mother complexin the daughter.
the daughter may have a hypertrophyof the maternal instinct and we have daughterswho act like mothers. and they see menand children as objects. you know,like the cat or the furniture. they’re just mothers, coated in great self-sacrifice, but it is relevant to this. and, or,atrophy of the female instinct. so, the other end of the scale,
which is also homosexuality,or lesbians, or they look for married mento destroy marriages. they are the typical women... what? you're in shock, aren't you? they are the typical womenwho come to see you and say, “enric, i don't knowwhat's wrong with me. â€every guy i fall for is married.†"mother complex.
what happenedwhen your mother conceived you? where was your father?" “my father, what father? my father was never around." you see? father complex. let's be clear:the father complex emerges because this child, let's not forget,was in the mother's womb… “this guy is making mothersresponsible for everything!"
what can i say?" here’s your child, your eggs choose the sperm, and they spend nine months in there. you should have chosen something else. just kidding. the son's masculinity is castrated. the father complex is the god cronus. cronus devours his children.
and he eats his childrenbecause the man, this man, in the father complexexplained by jung, is afraid that his sonwill take his place. do you see? and this is supported because the motherwaits on the son so much. and the man,because he lacks a mother, wants the woman to be for her. well, and she controlswho her daughter goes out with.
this rings a bell doesn't it? they may be your own stories,or you may have seen them. i only want to reassure you. i want you to understand thesethings, the people they happen to, because they're not crazy. it's information, that can be transcendedif you make it conscious. and don’t feel guilty, or weird, don't feel anything,don't feel anything bad.
reach consciousness. are you with me? great, now then... fear of the father; there’s a clash. and obviously,there’s lots of repetition. children repeat what their parents do. and in the daughter, fear in relationshipswith men, homosexuality. she can be very violent with herselfand she can be a strong activist.
i don't mean to say that allfemale activists are like this, people take things wrong... she can be a womanwho puts herself in danger a lot and, above all,she likes to confront men. they love that. the father keeps heraway from any man. and there’s jealousy,the father is very jealous of the men who come looking for his daughter. this is what i was explaining earlier.
in the end, the father says to thedaughter, "he's from madrid." but he could have said,"he's a cripple". and i’ll give you an example. a mother who overridesher husband's authority when he gives permissionto their 18-year-old son to go to the beachwith friends on the weekend. and he says to her... it's tradition; biologically speaking, the mother is the protectorand the father gives permission.
do we all agree? well, in some cultures it's not,but it is here. take note, he's 18. what happens to 18-year-old boys? obviously,their hormones are all over the place, they even come out of their pores,hormones. so, he wants to go with his friendsfor a weekend at the beach. and the mother...the father says yes. the most serious thing is
that she takesthe father's authority away. but there's a reason, of course. the reason isbecause he's an absent father. he's not absent because he’s absent, it's because the mother has neverallowed the father to be present. she’s like “my son, my son.†and the father works to bring home the mammoth and gets home late. and when he arrives, if there’sanything wrong with the child,
the mother takes it upon herself togloss over it, hide it, not say it... i can't go into detail on thisbecause it’s not the right time, it’s just so you are aware. now,the woman says to her husband, "if you let him go, i'm leaving." that's how it is. and the father's screwed, but when the father isn't there,the son attacks his mother, he insults her and tries to hit her.
who's in the wrong? the son? i’ll explain the hero myth now, because when hormones appearat the age of 12, 13, 14... it’s thanks to hormonesthat we start to distance ourselves from the links with our parents,that’s natural. but mothers are thereto castrate this. so he can't stand it anymore. and the options are always the same. either i’m submissive, ok?or i'm violent.
in the face of frustrationthere are always two answers: submission or violence. these are the options. so the son shouts at his mother, threatens her, and what does she do? she, who never includes the father, the driving force of the story? she goes to her husband and says, “look at what your son has done.â€
“ãndele!â€, as they say in mexico.“ãndele!â€, “get out!â€. so, this man, who has finally been grantedauthority by the mother, who's an expert manipulator, says to him, “you're right, but if you treatyour mother like that you can't go.†and the woman... what did she want? for her son to stay at home.
have i explained myself? you look like... the guy crying is the onewho's understood it the most. now,this is the emperor syndrome. so the mother should ask himwhat led her son to do this to her. the emperor syndrome is where children abuse their parents. ok, family? everything clear?
let’s get to the science. nessa carey, in“the epigenetics revolutionâ€, on molecular biology, says, “both epigenetics and junk dna affect huge amounts of life on earth and have a big impacton human health. a mother's experiences in the first three months of pregnancy can affect her childtheir whole life."
so everything we have seenfrom experience, everything we have studied... this doctor comes out and says, “it's like this.†we also thinkthat this can't be changed. but if she's said this,it’s because she has experiences. she did some studieson a food shortage that took place in holland in the second world war. and depending on whetherthe mothers had gone hungry
in the three first months of lifeor not, ok? the children could eat whateverthey wanted without gaining weight or they would get fatjust by smelling food. so it’s important with morbid obesity to ask about the mother's lifeduring the pregnancy. there's a very interesting book, it's scientific and a bit technical,but... you can understand itwith a little effort.
and this doctor also says this... it's an example of hers from the book,she says, "a three-year-old boy is abusedand neglected by his parents. the courts give him some new parents who give him love and affectionto adulthood. these childrenare highly likely to develop problems with addiction,depression, violence, self-hatred and suicide." mothers and future mothers– and fathers, obviously –
note the importance of the momentof conception a child. and we're just doing it wham, bam!there it is, no. this exampleis to make us all think. people usually think that there's nothing more painfulthan feeling abandoned by someone we love, but that's not so. loving someone who doesn't love usis more destructive. why do i say this?
because if this is what i’m living, and you've heard what i’ve just said – with me? – how do you expectyour children to turn out? in other words, what behaviourscan you expect from your children? and all of this is proof of what we explained earlier. and you're all very quiet today. i don’t joke about this,as you can see,
because it’s somethingi really feel deep down. i see so much pain and suffering because of stupidityand human ignorance! we're living in the 21st century,but it seems that we’re just a bunch of idiots. we're not told what's most important. this. it’s like this. we stay in relationships hopingthat our partners will change. it’s like sitting and waiting
for the sun to rise in the westand set in the east. don't worry! it’s not going to happen. and they wait and wait and wait. sweetie, if you want to changeyour life, change yourself. don’t expect anyone to change. let’s talk about dignity. dignity is not self-love. it’s real self-love. putting myself before anyone else.
nobody has the right to hijackmy life, ok? whether they're my parentsor holy virgins. all with me? so,dignity is the love and affection that we owe to ourselves. and it is written:“love your neighbour as yourself.†and "a course in miracles" says, “just as you love yourselflove your neighbour.†we need to learn to say,
“mum, dad, thank you.i love you. no. that's all." a few more examplesto keep you satisfied. woman with muscular dystrophy. these are from my clinic. her mother forces her to marrya man she doesn't love. and not only does she force her,she hits her too to make her get married. she physically hits her. this man is glued to herfor the whole of her life.
he doesn't hit her,he's glued to her. for a woman to appear like that, the guy has to have zero balls. she spends her whole life in lovewith another guy. her whole life. forced to care for her motherfor seven years. forced. that's how she says it. who forces her? herself? we always saythat if we want to wake up,
if we want healing, we should avoid talkingabout the other. so, my mother doesn't force me,i force myself. my mother doesn’t. i can always say,“no, that’s enough.†are you with me?right. her son leaves home. and gets marriedwithout telling her. and she doesn't get it.
and i say,“you don't get it?†but it’s obvious. “no, why?â€because he carries information. in this house, in this family, people don't marrythe person they want to. and in his unconscious,he says to his mum, “goodbye!†and two years later,she finds out from a neighbour that her son is married.
i say, “don't you see?†"and i wanted him to comeand live with me and my mother in our house.†and the son... this lady, when it was all over,just imagine how spellbound she was... her mother screwed up her life, her mother hit her. that gave her a very unhappy lifewith her marriage. always in love with another man.
forced to care for her dictator. stockholm syndrome. for seven years. she lost her son. because he had his headscrewed on and said, "yeah right. i’m off." and she categorically states, “i feel guilty for not looking aftermy mother better." 53-year-old guywith two lung tumours.
domineering mother. the children, five brothers, can't do anythingwithout the mother's permission. i'm talking about men aged30, 35, 40, 45 and 60 years old. and the woman's there like this... his mother's wishesare hypnotic orders for him. all the partners he's hadare like his mother. all of them. he's never been able to marry.
it goes without saying why. he feels trapped. and he says, "when i have a projectin my life..." – listen carefully to just how trappedand screwed up we can be – he says, "and when i have a projectwho do i tell about it? my mother. and my mother always dismisses
it.†and she says to them, "all come round on sunday." and they all go round. with the wives. those who have one, of course;this one didn’t. good, let's carry on. man with eczema all over his body. single, 40-something as well.
never been in a stable relationship.sexual problems. travels constantly to the east. forces himself to go roundto his parents before a trip. and i ask him,“do you want to see them?†and he says,"no." and i say,“why then?†and he says,“they're my parents.†"tell me aboutyour parents’ relationship.†“my parents never loved each other.
never, never. they’ve always actedlike a married couple.†i say,"tell me about your grandparents." “the same. what’s more, my maternalgrandparents were not only married, but my grandfather had a loverand my grandmother did too, but they stayed married." and what does he do?he doesn’t marry anybody. he doesn't have a partner,he doesn’t have sex. nothing.
but there comes a time when we tempt fate too often and he has to go away again, and the eczema appears. it's related to a conflictof separation, etcetera. we’re talking about the hero myth. just so you know, all of whatwe're seeing has been the subject of intense study, but peopledon't know about it. the hero mythrepresents the consolidation
of the personality in the male aspect. the male aspect. only in the male aspect. and they are tests that any son must pass to become a man. he has to transform. that is, it is the future manwho stops being a child in order to become a teenager, to be independentand set up his own home.
more than half will diein the attempt, because that's the job of the witch, who's the mother. eric neumann, a friend of jung,developed the hero myth. you already know that jung, well, freud and jung, developedthe electra and oedipus complex but he works on this. in fact,there is a book or a documentary based on the relationshipbetween jung and eric neumann
called "the twelve lettersâ€. they exchanged letters.this was before whatsapp and all that. they wrote letters describing this. he says that the hero, or the manwho is to become the hero, is born and that his first task,or first test, is adolescence. everybody knowsthat in adolescence our child changes."what happened to the boy?" this is the first thingthat the child has to overcome.
the second, is to overcomethe castration of the mother. this is called"overcoming the matriarchy". when the hero has passedthese two tests, for which he deserves a medal, there's one left, which is to overcomethe father's prohibition. when the hero faces adolescence, when he manages to break freefrom the castrating mother, he then has to facethe authoritarian or prohibitive dad,
or whatever. still with me, right? and once the son has completedthese three stages, we have a manwho can care for a clan. attention, dads. attention, mums. the day my son hit me, i said, “look. he’s just killed his daddy." the hero myth. we must be aware of this;some parents don't allow it. they say things like,
“don’t forget that i'm your fatherand you'll obey me until..." you may be my father,i must honour and respect you, but if you don't respect me,you’ll get what you give. "bye, bye", "agur", "adã©u","arrivederci", "goodbye". you got that, didn't you? be aware that everythingwe discuss in the talk has references in psychoanalysis,epigenetics and our own experience,which is why we’re here explaining it. we need to reach consciousness,
which is what we teachin bioneuroemociã³n. in bioneuroemociã³n,we don't want people to say to you, “stiff upper lip.you've just been unlucky." no, no. reaching consciousnessis transcending this information, not from resentment, but fromunderstanding and forgiveness. do you follow? it’s about taking the informationto another level. now we’re talking about what we do.
we don't consider ourselves victims. we don't blame anybody. not our fathers, or our mothers.nobody. we honour them deeply and we will honour thembecause we are able to overcome and transcend their miasmasand the crap that they were conditioned within their own lives. we don't become victims,we become rescuers. we accept our inheritance,
not because we’re good,but because we wake up. and because we are aware of the factthat, if these are our parents, it is because our soulchose them to be like this. so, shy away from blameand victimhood, accept your parents as they are. they didn’t, couldn'tor didn't want to. we aren't here to judge them. they lived their own experiencesas a result of the unconscious informationthey received, just like you.
be assertive, talk to them, take responsibility, don't fall into the emotional trapsthat they set for you out of fear, through their programming. they have repeated the teachingsthat they received; you are here to transcend them. this is how we honour our parents. do you know how many parentsi have met who've said to me, “thanks enric.i would have never thought
that my son was like this� if i'm not mistaken,there’s a video now, no, it's later. set your parents free, stop wanting your parents to love you as you want them to. set them free. we have these addictivelove-hate relationships with women who hate their parents but are constantly battlingwith their mother or father,
hoping that the motheror father will love them. “look, when your parents made you,they didn't want you, for whatever reason.ok? but they had theirunconscious reasons.†we’re not here to judge,but to accept them as they are. this is love; anything else is to screw them over. assertive parenting. pay attention to your childrenand their needs,
respect their ideas and initiatives, avoid belittling them, argue with them on their levelwithout imposing yourself with things like, “i'm your father.â€are you with me? put yourself at your child’slevel of perception avoid disqualifying them with thingslike, "what would you know?" maybe your son doesn't know,but don’t deprive him of knowing. don't deprive him of the experience. don’t be shocked; avoid judging.
one mother said to me, “our son goes out witha different girl every day." and i said,"well, he knows more." what do you want me to say?" "oh, but you should say something." “i do:‘son, don't get her pregnant.'" we are always projectingand all that. i remember one guy who broke his toe and i said to him,
“when did you break your toe?" “at the beach.†"ah, and who were you withat the beach?" “my parents.â€â€œand who else?†"my new girlfriend." "and what's going on with the girl?""what’s the thing...?" “i was thinking,‘what if my mother doesn't like her.'" “and what do you base that on? “well, i had one once and she told me,‘not this one.’"
that’s a mother!who needs locking up. to keep her quiet for a while. he broke his toebecause it's associated with “mother" and "collateral". it’s related to the motherand collateral. and he says, “yeah, yeah.†now, she did like that one. and breaking a bonewas the solution to the conflict. and he was happy,limping a bit, but he was ok.
“and do you know why your motherlikes this one and not the other?†he says,"i think i do." i’ll tell you why:"the first one was just like her.†"yes, she said to me,‘you've got me for a woman.'" "and she can control the other one." and he says,"wow, you know a lot." "she likes her causeshe knows she can control her." “and do you knowwhat you have to do? be assertive, hug your mother:‘i love you.’
goodbye.†we need to overcome castration. and i’ll end with this phrase. forgive your parents,forgive yourself. we are all children andwe might be parents one day. and if we're not,let’s forgive ourselves too. thank you very much.
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