cancer maligno de mama

“if you want to be happy, be holy; if you want to be happier, be holier; if you want to be very happy, be very holy.” saint josemaria escriva de balaguer maria rosa garretaone day in the cathedral of barcelona and on the doors of many churches a notice appeared: announcing that the cause of beatification of montserrat grases had opened, a good friend of mine with whom i had shared so many moments.

it caused a deep impression on me. at that moment i realized that holiness is truly something attractive, something accessible. on june 16, 1994 the remains of montserrat garcia grases were transferred from the montjuic cemetery. their destination was the crypt in the oratory of the bonaigua student residence. people who liked to pray at the tomb of montse grases would now find a better place for meditation. montse died of bone cancer shortly before her 18th birthday, in 1959.

right away, her reputation for holiness spread. the remembrances from her funeral were used with devotion, and soon after prayer cards and brochures about her life were printed in many different languages. in 1962, the church began the process of gathering information for her beatification and canonization. more and more people, especially young people, are turning to her intercession. montse grases was the first woman of opus dei to be considered for canonization.

the spanish civil war had ended a few months earlier. society is slowly getting back on its feet. having survived the war years, manuel garcia grases and manolita are finally able to get married, in august 1939. they were tough times, and in the midst of them a christian family is born. in madrid another family, that of opus dei, starts to take shape. it consists of just a dozen men who had been scattered by the war. with only a run-down student residence, recently destroyed by the war,

they take up their apostolic work once again. manuel and manolita install themselves at 183 paris street, barcelona. future diving champions train in vilasar de mar. thanks to mr. grases' avid interest in photography and cinema a lot of valuable graphic documentation of his daughter montse has been preserved. he remembers those years in this way: we were convinced that we shared everything in how we viewed life and that we were willing to form a christian family, if possible, and accept the children that god would send us.

so i asked her to marry me. she said yes. and the moment the war ended, we got married right away. and once the first child was born, she became pregnant again, this time with montse and so on until our ninth child, rafa. when montse was a year and a half, she became ill with bronchial asthma which, because of bad treatment, degenerated into bronchiolitis. it was god's will that she overcome that disease. the doctors advised us

that we move for the summer to a healthy place, with a drier environment and a higher altitude. so we decided to go to seva. montserrat garcia grases was born in barcelona on july 10, 1941. she was the second of nine children. the grases home was a christian home, in which the parents passed on the faith that they practiced in a natural way. since childhood, montse had learned to pray before bedtime this simple prayer: “my god, make us good, enrique and me.” the names would increase as the family grew:

“my god, make us good, enrique, jorge, ignacio, pilar, crucina, marã­a josã©, rosario, rafa and me”. as she grew up, montse developed a spontaneous character, determined, sometimes serene, sometimes not so much ... above all, balanced. sometimes she lost her patience, but in general, she had a very balanced character and always, of course, very cheerful. montse liked all sports, she was very athletic. montse's childhood goes by without special problems.

despite some illnesses, montse lives happily during her early years, in a joyful family environment that inspires trust. all the memories of that time are simple and endearing, probably typical of any middle-class christian family. one day montse came home and asked her mother what was the meaning of the expression “blessed is the fruit of thy womb” in the hail mary. at school, some girls were surprised by the explanations they were given and montse was the only one who had enough trust in her mother to ask her to clarify it. as always, naturally, manolita explained it to her

taking advantage of the question to talk about the origin of life as well. both agreed that whenever a doubt might arise, they would chat about it again. we raised her exactly like we did the others, trying to fulfill, as best we could, our role as parents. i didn't do anything to make montse holy. but yes, we did notice an improvement in her character little by little, influenced certainly by her temperament and by the formation she began receivingat the center of opus dei where she went. because saints are not born saints.

they come about little by little, through their interior struggles over time. it's they who want to strive for it and can achieve it. the grases now are a large family with all that this entails. order in the house will always be very important. “my room” doesn't exist but rather “our room,” and the older children, enrique and montse, mature early with the need to help their parents in a special way to take care of the house and the younger children. at that same time, opus dei had already begun apostolic work in barcelona.

furthermore, since 1948, married people wanting to sanctify family life could belong to it. in 1946, montse begins her schooling at the jesãºs marã­a de san gervasio school. four year later, her parents see the need to enroll her as a boarder at the school, as one of her sisters has fallen ill with polio and needs tranquility at home. her brothers enrique and jorge are placed as boarders in the la salle school. this period of schooling is a very happy time for montse. her cheerful and vivacious temperament makes it easy for her to be very much at ease at school, including during the school year she spends boarding there. in october 1951, montse's parents decide to send her to the damas negras school.

it was closer to home and she could walk to school. the young girl was affected by this change, not because she was uncomfortable at damas negras, but because she was very happy at jesus maria. but she never showed her parents even a slight sign of her disappointment. in this way, an important character trait begins to form. at the end of the second year of high school, montse achieves grades of “outstanding” in music and in family formation. in other subjects, her grades range from “outstanding” to “approved,” except in literature, which she needs to repeat in september. in addition to the standard subjects, montse adds music theory and piano, and that year she ends with two “outstandings” and a special distinction.

an activity organized by some teachers at damas negras interests montse: teaching catechesis in a suburb of barcelona. montse would go there many sundays with toys, books and some treats for the girls. the home life of the grases goes on like that of any other family at the time. the day starts with the morning rush to get to school or the office. then manolita takes advantage of the calm at home to do housework, without neglecting to go to daily mass. after a sometimes rowdy family mealtime at midday, silence again reigns. at 5:30, the peace would end: the kids would come back for a snack, homework, games, laughter, dinner, prayers and sleep.

only then would manuel and manolita enjoy a quiet moment to exchange views on how the day went. they decide to institute what they call the “family council,” a meeting in which the older children and the parents can exchange opinions regarding aspects of life at home. it is at this time when the machinery store of manuel grases falls into bankruptcy. this crisis means that manolita will have to do without the help of a person for housework. they are also forced to sell the car. those were years marked by austerity, but they taught the children

to value things according to their worth. in those years, a group of young women began to live in an apartment on muntaner street, very close to the plaza of adriano. this is the beginning of llar, a center run by women of opus dei that would offer various activities for young girls. pepa castello tells us about that time from her home in italy, where she has lived for decades. pepa castellã“it was a small flat, because it was just the beginning in barcelona.

many girls would come for the spiritual formation that opus dei offers. we went there, a lot of us girls. it was a small flat on muntaner street. clotilde gabarrã“nwe were mainly going to receive means of formation that opus dei would provide there. being a very small place, all the rooms there werealways full of people. the oratory was used for many activities, meditations for different groups ... the life at llar, in those beginnings,is not easy and these women who beginthe work of opus dei in barcelona

experience many hardships, but the girls coming arounddo not notice all the difficulties. we thought about making a gift. i asked them: “what would be helpful?”“you know what?”, they tell me: “a christmas basket would be excellent.” and i think: “good: toffy, champagne, etc.” but they say: “why donâ´t we go to buy it together?” roser fernãndezso we go to the store and she says: “a pack of rice, beans, chocolate, biscuits ...” of course it wasn't meant to be your typical christmas basket, but ratherto fill the pantry with these basic needs... just imagine that! the grases see the need for deeper christian roots as time goes by.

that's why, when manuel meets opus dei, he is attracted to this way of living the christian vocation. soon, manuel grases asks for admission as a supernumerary member in this institution of the church. what manuel tells manolita encourages her to get to know some women of opus dei and to attend a spiritual retreat. later, manolita also asks to join opus dei. the grases family spends their summers in seva, a village south of the montseny mountain range where they rent a big house called villa josefa.

the children of vacationers gather together there in a large group. friendships made there are strong and kept up over the years. montse is one more in the seva group of friends. andrã‰s framisshe was a natural and normal person, ordinary. she was like any other person in the group, like the other girls and boys in the group. you couldn't differentiate her by anything that would attract attention. montse was a pretty girl, an attractive girl,

very pleasant. for montse, the long summers in seva are a time to do sports, go on excursions in the nearby mountains, play games and experience other small adventures of childhood and adolescence. marie louise xiolwe also enjoyed climbing the bell tower in seva,which was an adventure. every day the group of us would gather in the church, and go to mass at eight o'clock. afterward, they would get together and plan what they were going to do the rest of the day.

sometimes, like on the days of the seva festival, they would dance the sardana, a dance montse loved and enjoyed. but perhaps one of the biggest attractions at seva was its great theater company,formed by the children of the families on holiday there who would put on shows, with proceeds going to support the local parish. at the beginning of the 1954-1955 school year, manolita decides to take her daughter montse to llar. montse is thirteen years oldand it is her first time there. she has a good time that dayand when her mother is leaving montse stays behind helpingto hang some portraits.

pepa castellã“that's how montse started coming around. when she left that day, her mother called me later, because she had come home very happy. she called to give me the news that montse had arrived very happy. thereafter, montse continued to go to llar, especially on saturdays. there she heard people talk about sanctifying study, love for our lady, prayer and apostolate, and human virtues. her heart begins to be filled with noble and high ideals, and with love for others. she also gets to know other girls her age whose tastes and interests coincide with her own.

carmen francã‰si think that the two of us connected very well on the topic of sports. she liked basketball. i liked a different sport and she always teased me saying that handball was not feminine. starting there, we formed a friendship, and because of this, i found her to be a very dynamic person, very cheerful, with a very lively temperament, and her personally attracted me. and we had lots of conversations. she helped me have a good time, and i think i helped her too. a few months after starting to play on the alcino club tennis team,

she is diagnosed with a duodenal disease that forces her to leave the sport. once again, her desires go unsatisfied, and again, not a word of complaint. one of the greatest joys for montse came on hearing the news of her brother enrique's decision to become a priest. her best friend, ana maria suriol, now deceased, recalled how montse spoke of her brother with affection and admiration and how, when he told her the news, she gave him a hug while crying tears of joy. in november 1956, montse decided to attend a retreat in casteldaura, a center for retreats and workshops offered by opus dei.

before this, she had been invited to attend one,but montse had always declined the offer. for montse, this experience was a strong spiritual push. she would tell me: “pray a memorare asking our lady that suzy q comes to the meditation,” or “pray to your guardian angel that the tram comes quickly.” it struck me that she had so much recourse to supernatural means. it always surprised me. i told myself:“it's true, she's right, let's pray.” gradually, she was growing closer to theapostolic work of opus dei, to the point that her friends were asking if she might have a vocation, to which shewould always reply in the negative. the following year, at sixteen years old, montse attends a second spiritual retreat.

upon arriving at casteldaura, she and ana maria suriol, amid laughter, dedicate themselves to jumping on all the beds, in search of the softest mattress. the result is a broken bed. during these days of prayer, however, montse senses that god may want something more of her. montse was no longer a child who reacts to problems without reflection. she was a person who was beginning to see others as souls to be understood. jordi suriolshe saw that i was opposed to this: i had no sympathy nor did i want to have anything to do with opus dei.

why? because my sister was in opus dei andmy dad was also part of opus dei. so i already had had enough of it. so when montse arrived, i found one more person i could poke fun at, with an offensive remark on my part. in response, i encountered a person who smiled at me, who accepted what i had said, who understood it and turned it around, ending the conversation with a graceful exit, with affection and warmth.

christmas approaches and llar is busy with preparations. lã­a villa, the director, now deceased, tries to putsome order in all this hubbub, but montse has a concern. she knows that every vocation impliesabandoning oneself in god’s hands and that this generous decision has to be accompanied by one’s own prayer and that of others. this is what she said to one of her closest friends. montse decided to dedicate her life to god in opus dei. it was christmas day 1957, when she wrote a letter to monsignor escriva requesting admission as a numerary member of opus dei.

the previous day she had been talking with pepa castello, accompanying her as she went to buy figures for the nativity scene. pepa castellã“i had asked everyone to pray a lot so that she might decide, because it had already been three years that she was coming to the means of formation, and following a plan of life of daily prayer, and seriously dedicated to helping others by doing apostolate and growing in love for god. so that day we said, “today is the day.”

and so when we returned from buying all the figures and placing them, i called lã­a, who was the director, and i saidthat she wanted to be part of the work. it was the most joyful christmas of her life. at christmas, when god gives himself to us for love, she had also freely given herself, for love of god. when her parents told her thatthey also belonged to opus dei, montse was even more overjoyed. her parents had previously told her nothing, so that she wouldn't feel influenced or pressured

with regard to such a personal and important decision. life continued its normal rhythm. montse that year had enrolled at the women's vocational school. she wanted to be a nurse, but she needed to be two years olderbefore she could start these studies. in any case, she continued to take piano lessons. in the “escola,” as it was popularly known in barcelona, montse studied drawing, sewing, domestic training and art. life went on as usual,

but now montse was trying to improve her christian life and she struggled to find and draw close to god in her daily occupations. she wanted to take advantage of the usual duties and little things of each day to keep up an ongoing dialogue with god, always in search of new opportunities to show her faith and love, finding god in her studies, in her pastimes, her family life, her friendships. as the founder of opus dei often said: “if we say yes to god’s call,

our life is ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. for the great miracle, the thing that is really extraordinary, is our ordinary life.” all this initial period of her vocation can be summed up in one word: happiness. complete happiness in her path recently embarked upon and intensely lived. at sixteen years old, montse's life is full of plans and enthusiasm. there is a possibility of going to paris to help begin opus dei’s apostolic work in france. in february, montse writes to the founder of opus dei: “you cannot imagine, father, how joyful i am and how happy.”

in january 1958, montse feels some pain in her left leg, but she gives it little importance and attributes the pain to a fall on a trip to the mountains in winter. but the discomfort increases to the point that her parents decide to take her to the doctor. a series of medical visits begins, with various treatments to try to determine the cause of the pain. but montse does not improve with any of the treatments. neither montse nor her parents suspect the seriousness of the disease. she continues going to classes at the women's vocational school and attending llar, and for holy week and easter, the whole family travels to seva.

montse makes the effort to lead a normal life although she experiences increasing difficulty in walking. rosa pantaleonion this pilgrimage, she wanted to go with everyone, but as her leg was already a real problem, lia told her to go in the car with me, but she didn’t like the idea of going by car. she said: “no, no, no… i want to go on foot, i'm not a cripple”. as soon as she said this, she realized that i could have felt hurt.

she got in the car with me and said: “forgive me rosa, there was no need for me to say that, because often the real crippled peopleare those who are crippled on the inside, not the outside, because they say unpleasant things.” after this, she continued to show me a lot of affection, with little details. analysis and testing continues until june when the physicians determine the disease in question. montse's leg has a tumor with a sizable mass. it is beyond doubt; the diagnosis cannot be mistaken.

doctor caã‘adellmontse was diagnosed with ewing’s sarcoma after a period of pain and discomfort in her knee. this tumor was, at that time, the most malignant type of bone tumor in children. ewing’s sarcoma is typical of children and adolescents. at that time, the prognosis was so grim that only rarely did children affected by this tumor survive a year or more after the diagnosis was made. manolita garcia, mother of montse (video taken in 1987)

so manuel, my husband explained to her very concretely and clearly, without disguising his words at all: she had ewing’s sarcoma. i don’t know if he said exactly this, but she realized that she had cancer. after some moments of silence, she said: “are they going to cut off my leg?” manuel said they already considered that possibility, but that no, they wouldn't be able to; they had considered all the different aspects and it was not opportune,

it was not possible. and so she made a gesture as if to pout,as if she were saying: “what a pity!”, a little gesture, nothing more. it seemed charming to me: the poor girl,after hearing news like that, so difficult to hear, just made a face, a small gesture, as if to say“what bad luck!” or something like that. she came out of the bathroom... she came out of the bathroom,came into the room and knelt at the feet of the statue of our lady of montserrat that we have here.

i didn’t follow her; i just saw her doing this. i stayed with my husband and then i realized that she had got into bed. so i said to manuel: “i'll stay with her because it seems impossible to me that after hearing such news she's going to go right to sleep.” i came over and pushed her asidea bit to make room for myself and she asked me: “what are you doing, mama?”. and i said, “i came to sleep with you.”she said, “oh, how lucky!”

but like that, with that happy tone. i got into her bed, resting her head here. and after just a few short moments, she was breathing deeply. i realized she had fallen asleep. i made sure that she had fallen asleep, got out of the bed, fixed the covers and left the room, and that was it. well that wasn't everything, because later i learned that when she had knelt down before our lady of montserrat, she had said: “whatever you want.”

roser fernãndezlike any other day, montse came, and when she came, i remember that she said: “lia, when you can, i would like to have a word with you.” without further ado. lia was busy with other people and the morning wore on. and towards the end of the morning, lia told montse: “oh montse!, i know you wanted to tell me something ...”. so she said, “yes, yes, i wanted to say that yesterday my parents told me what i have.” i didn't hear any more of the conversation,

but really i was quite impressed later thinking the most normal thing would have been to arrive and say: “my parents told me i have cancer” but no, she simply said, “when you can, i would like to talk to you.” during the month of july, she underwent 30 sessions of radiotherapy. montse was aware of what god was asking of her. to be more at peace,she decided to stop praying for her own health and began to ask, simply, that god's will be done.

it was like a second act of abandonment and of love for god. acceptance of pain gave montse a great serenity and maturity in her behavior. she went to seva for the last time that summer where life went on just like every other summer. she even participated in the annual play put on by the summer group to support the parish, although her friends guessed that this would probably be her last summer. maria luisa xiolthis i actually do remember,

that during the festival that year, i went up with montse to the belfry,to watch the sardanas on the day of the festival that we liked a lot.we were in silence the whole time, because she, and i as well perhaps,thought it might be the last time that she would be there for that occasion.. she said nothing and neither did i. back in barcelona, montse enrolls again at the women's vocational school, in a course she knew she wouldn’t finish.

she wanted to continue because her vocation encouraged her to sanctify her work and to not give in to apathy or despair. but the disease continues its course. montse faces a lot of difficulty just getting around. she can no longer walk between her house and llar and she needs to take the tram, or a taxi only in exceptional situations because she wants to keep costs down as much as possible for her parents. roser fernãndezone day, i was driving a motorcycle with a sidecar

and drove up aribau street,or balmes street, and i found her waiting at the bus stop. given the time of day, i guessed she was going to llar, which was in the same direction i went to go to school. and i said, “montse want to climb in?”and she replied very gracefully: “yes, i want to climb in, what i don't know isif this leg wants to climb in.” and she showed her leg,which was already very swollen, and it cost montse a lot of effortto get into the sidecar. “let's see who gets there first!”

and we climbed up the six stories by foot.marãa rosa garreta i remember once opening the door of llar and finding montse there with that smile of hers, coming in after having climbed up the stairs with her leg so swollen. why did she do it? montse didn't do it to arrive first; montse took advantage of the opportunity that the stairs gave her to offer up something for her friends, to bring her friends closer to god. in november, montse receives a great joy: the possibility of traveling to rome,the center of christianity, where she can also meet the founder of opus dei.

her parents make the preparations quickly. montse will stay in rome for one week. upon arriving, the first thing she does is visitthe basilica of st peter where she prays the creed. the next day, she meetsmonsignor escriva de balaguer itziar zumaldei was impressed to see how the father immediately gave asupernatural tone to the conversation. he told montse she had to accept god’s will. but he wanted her to ask for a cure, if that was also the will of god.

he added that she should offer up all her pain and suffering for souls. pepa castellã“when you asked her, “how are you?,” she would say: “good!” she never spoke about the pain. only once i remember, that encarnita ortega asked her: montse, this bad knee of yours, how badly does it hurt? and she said, “it's as if a dog were biting me all the time, all day long.” in rome, montse relishes the family life of the work. there she meets numeraries from many other countries

in whom she sees the same vocation. on the way back, she makes sure to get all the little items and memorabilia that her family and friends had asked for, including a prayer card to our lady and metal bottle caps for her little brother's collection. i treated her with great naturalness and spontaneity, which she liked a lot. but i didn’t know she had cancer. when she came back from rome,

by that point i already knew. i was opening the door for her and i didn't manage to be natural or hide my reaction. i said: “she's already here!” and i stood there looking at her,and glanced quickly at her leg.47200:33:27,020 --> 00:33:29,230she realized right away that i knew everything and wanted to smooth over this momentwith a lot of naturalness, and she said to me: “â¿will you accompany meto greet our lord?” i told her: “there's no lord here. there's only lia, who is talking with someone,and you and me”. so then something very beautiful happened becauseshe took me by the arm, laughing, and led me down the hallway there,- and she was walking much slower now, and needed me to support her -

she explained to me very simply about who was our lord was. she said to me: “yes, there is a lord here,let me explain it to you. here there is an oratory and in this oratory there's the blessed sacramentwhere christ is present, and here we call him our lord. he is the lord of the house, and he is thefirst one i want to greet, when i come here. in december, montse can hardly move anymore. going outside becomes more and more sporadic. the pain is very intense, but montse refuses painkillers, although she dreads the suffering.

the painkillers leave her greatly limited in her capacities and she wants to be wide awake so she can speak about god to her friends. the disease progresses. she stays in bed all the time in a bedroom that her parents prepare for her where she is constantly accompanied by other girls. for her treatments four people are needed to assist her. montse's leg swells to the size of the diameter of her own body. the bouts of pain are becoming more frequent and intense. a new treatment,

attempted with great hope after many efforts by mr. grases to acquire it, is a complete failure: it leads to vomiting and tremendous discomfortthat lasts six to eight hours after each pill. however, montse managed to give the visitsa friendly atmosphere, where her suffering was not the protagonist. the joy and serenity she spread was contagious. montse matured interiorly by leaps and bounds, through love for christ on the cross.

rosa pantaleoni one day, seeing how she was maturing so quickly thanks to all of this, a change that didn't seem very usual to me, i thought i had better ask her a question, and i said: “montse, are you the same person you've always been?” she laughed a bit and answered: “yes, rosa.i'm the same as before, but i feel the nearness of death.” maria luisa ferratermontse suffered a lot, physically, and she would just clench her lips,the times that i saw her,

and her leg burst. rosa pantaleoniso she told me something that, when i got backhome, i wrote down; now i'll read exactly how she said it to me. she said, “look, rosa, if a new medicine comes out, i'll take it. if they have to cut off my leg, they'll cut it off. and if god wants me to die, i'll die. i fight because i want to live,

because i am in opus dei,because i want to serve our lord, because i want to save my parents from this suffering. i want and love life, but if god wants me to die, i'll die,because i can also help from heaven.” and we never talked anymore about this after that! her brother enrique, thirty years later, left a written account of his impressionsof his sister's suffering during those months: “she applied that sporting spirit of hers to this final tournament. pain challenged her, but she won the game.

she was passionate about tennis, andit was like a tennis match against pain. this match is always difficult,because there is no middle ground: either pain beats you or you overcome it. some people allow themselves to be beaten by painand grief destroys them; it leads them to hatred and despair, and sometimes to rebellion,where they can end up separating themselves from god. montse had the courage to look at pain head-on,face to face and in the eyes. “you are pain,” she thought,“but i am going to overcome you. i cannot get out of this bed,

but from here, i will fight all that i can. i am going to use you to win.this pain will help me to love. it will be my new way of loving.” and she turned her illness into an instrument of co-redemption. she drew out all the love she carried inside, “playing doubles” with jesus' pain on the cross, following every move.” given the rapid progression of her illness, on february 5, montse wanted to make

her definitive incorporation in opus dei. it was a day overflowing with joy. manuel grases (father of montse) it occurred to us to do what is usualon occasions that are especially meaningful in life: to celebrate it with a toast, with a champagne toast! what we didn’t realize,in going to get the champagne, is that the bottle had been storedin the cabinet for many years, and, without our knowing it,it had already been spoiled.

of course, once the bottle was opened,we were all very happy; we drank that champagne, almost without realizingthe state it was in. one of montse's greatest desires was thather parents might undergo the least possible suffering. she never neglected her outward appearance and she tried not to showher pain when they were with her. montse realized her life was running out and she saw how her father struggledand prayed that the medical prognosis would turn out to be wrong.

one day as i was leaving for work,montse asked me: “dad, will you let me go?” i didn’t understand, it was an odd questionand i said: “but where are you going? you're not going anywhere like that.” knowing that we wanted her to be cured, and, if possible, for her to remain with us,she answered me: “for god’s sake, dad, don’t you see thatwhat i want is to go to heaven?” the eucharist, confession,the sacrament of joy,

and her life of piety are the key for understanding the source of montse's smile. on march 8, 1959, she receives the anointing of the sick. she wanted to know how she was going to die. manolita garcãa, mother of montse(recorded in 1994) and i said, “all of a sudden,you will find yourself in heaven.” but without saying more, without adding more details. and she says to me, “oh! how easy mama, how easy!”

every night montse would makea brief examination of conscience. until nine days before dying, she wrote down in a little notebook her little efforts to stay close to god during the day. prayer late and half asleep,but i struggled. communion - good. the particular exam, much better. moments of discouragement, then joy. on march 15, she makes her last note:“lack of peace and restless, feeling alone.” even christ in the garden of olivesfeared his pain and death. montse confided to lia many of herdarkest fears: of death, of the coffin,

of not going to heaven. and the reminder of jesus in gethsemanehelped her to win out in this interior struggle. in these final days, with a lot of naturalness,many friends came to say goodbye. jordi surioli asked her at one point: “and how are you?”how silly it was for me to ask this! but she replied, “if it weren't for my leg,everything else is great!” our farewell was a farewell between friends,between mountaineers: “goodbye, until the next time.” “goodbye jorge, goodbye montse.”

when i was leaving,going down the stairs to paris street, i began to wonder:“how is it possible that this girl, with the pain she has,with the difficulty she has, is still thinking about mebefore talking about herself?” carmen francã‰s i got there and found that her motherwas sobbing a bit: montse had already died. then her father, right away, witha seriousness that made a deep impression on me, took her mother by the arm and said to her:

“don't you remember that montse (and it’s true montse had said this) didn’t want us to be sadwhen she died? she just wanted us to pray aspirations.” her father then began tosay that short prayer of “jesus, mary and joseph, i give you my soul, jesus, mary and josephassist me in my last agony.” manuel grasesi quickly took her pulse and realized that it was indeed so, and then i realized

she had always been in love, because with everything that had happened to her only by being in love with god could she have... overcome it. it was march 26, 1959.